Hi, I'm Ebony, a smart woman who likes strong coffee, red wine, and takes immense pleasure in pleasure. Think of this as a place where you're encouraged to be your baddest self, have your best sex, and use the F-word whenever you like. Welcome to Magic, Sex and Coffee.

Sustainability through Senses...

Sustainability through Senses...

It's Tuesday afternoon, and I'm sitting here with some bomb ass buttered coffee from Wild Foods, an amazing playlist jamming in the background, and all the candles burning. All on purpose. This is the moment I realize that I always prep my environment to make it conducive to whatever it is I want to accomplish.

ALL of my senses set ablaze. 

And I do this with everything I do. It helps me to connect deeper in that moment. In every moment. And it got me thinking.

How do you sustain deep connections in moments that last longer than a flicker? That was something I used to constantly battle, and have consistently improved over the last five or six years. So after some reflecting, I realized a lot of it had to do with my environment.

When I create an environment that makes me feel good, makes me go inward to shine outward, I am better connected with everything and everyone that I come into contact with.

First step is phones off and/or away. This one is a hard step for a lot of people to wrap their heads around in this day, what with our hands and eyes being practically glued to our smart phones and televisions. But it is the most important.

When I decide to be there for my lover, and be present, that's exactly what he or she is getting from me. Phone on silent and set to ring only if my kids call me for an emergency. They are at an age where they understand what it means for "Mommy to be on a date" so they don't call me unless its an emergency. And not a "Can I go out with my friends emergency?" but a real "Holy shit, the house is burning down emergency." 

One of the things you have to realize is that shit is always going to happen. And most of the shit that happens can wait. Really. So put your fucking phone down and focus on the person you're spending time with. Really be there.

Also, I've realized a lot of people like to have the TV on either during sex, during conversation or whatever else they have going on. But you know what that is? One big useless distraction. Unless you're purposely watching something together, that TV you're used to playing in the background only helps to step out of the moment. 

How many times have you been talking to someone and not really listening because you got distracted by what was on the TV? And it was shit, right? Not worth it. So turn it off.

Now prep your scent space to find your zone. I'm a huge fan of candles and incense and keep a variety of all kinds at my immediate disposal because it adds so much value to the mood. I tell you what, there are moments I can immediately go back to because there was a pleasant smell associated with it, and uhhh those memories make me feel warm and tingly. 

And omgggg LED changing lightbulbs. If you don't have any of these, go. NOW. Lightbulbs that can be changed to whatever color you can think of and you don't need a special lamp to use them. You can get them from Amazon starting at $10 and yesssssssssssssss. Nothing like some red lighting to set the mood. Plus, its a big ass bonus that you can look into directly into your lovers eyes without that overhead light burning your eyes, and fuck it, lets turn off those lights, and damnit, I hit my toe on the table because I couldn't see when I was on my way to the kitchen to get some water. So yeah, lets avoid all of that potentially catastrophic bullshit, and just go with good lighting and staying visible, in all aspects.

Finally, we get to the music. This is sooo mood dependent and partner dependent. Currently, I'm going through this downbeat, sappy, no words, this shit is piercing my soul and making my pussy wet all at the same time - type of music. I've been on this for a minute now. Like a five year minute. But that's because I found something that speaks to me. Speaks to my body.

So find music that works for you and your partner. And turn it to a volume level that isn't too distracting. And dive in.

Seriously. What are you waiting for? Dive in. I'll be here when you're done. ;-)